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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

2
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KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.

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Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together

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for my main man

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Mr. Martin Lawrence.

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Hey. Where my music, man?Count it off.

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One, two...[DRUM BEATS]

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One, two, nigga.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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Yeah. Give my man
Kid Capri a round of applause.

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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

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I got a friend in the house
I'd like to say hello to.

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Spike Lee, what's up, man?

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[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

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Oh, you cool now.

16
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He like, "Peace."

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Spike put me in
my first movie, Do the Right Thing,man.

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Motherfucker ain't
employed me since.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

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What'd I do to you, man?

20
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I'm just fucking
with you, right?

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I'm just fucking
with you, man. [HIGH-PITCHED] You my boy.

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That's my motherfucker!

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No, I... You know
I won't be in no more Spike Lee movies and shit.

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"Spike, why I ain't
in any of your movies?" "Fuck you."

25
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

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No, a black man doing it.
Give him a round of applause, straight up.

27
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

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Make sure you go see X.
Make sure you go see X.

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'Cause that's us.
Everybody go see it.

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Oh, another partner
in the house that I was...

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We did a couple
of shows together.

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My man Aaron from Guy.

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Wassup?

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Wassup, Aaron?

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And Damien. What's up,
man, his brother.

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Oh, y'all cool
with that, yeah.

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Wassup, audience?
How y'all doing? And we are Guy.

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Teddy couldn't be
here tonight.

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But, no, Aaron,
you sing your ass off.

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I want y'all to keep...
Keep the energy going

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because y'all are
a live audience. I am so proud of you guys.

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Fire!

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Yo, coming to the stage
is my man...

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When I first started
comedy, I used to... To watch this brother

45
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'cause he used
to be out there.

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I mean, he was
the headliner in D.C, and he's still headlining.

47
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The boy is funny. Give it up
for my partner, my man,

48
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my buddy in crime,
from Washington, D.C,

49
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give it up
for my man, Fat Doctor.

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Hey, how y'all doing?

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Everybody in
a good mood?AUDIENCE: Yeah.

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Yeah, I'm in
a good mood, too.

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I just finished eating,
so I feel real good, boy.

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Man, I got a big appetite,
boy. I go out to eat,

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I sit at the salad bar.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

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Whole plate of croutons.
"Man, get out the way, man. All you can eat, man."

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I'm telling you, boy,
I love to eat, man.

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Woo, good-looking lady
sitting up front, boy.

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How you doing, girl?
All right. What's your name?

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SHARON: Sharon.Sharon.

61
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You like fat guys?[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

62
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Yeah, baby, you looking good.

63
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Boy, I mean, you know,
it ain't long, but it's wide, baby.

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[AUDIENCE CHEERS]

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Yeah, I can get fixin'
on a pickle jar, baby.

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Bet you've never seen
a penis with a double chin, have you?

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Could make you happy, baby.

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Man, I love the women, man.
I'm telling you, man.

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Better than being a fag,
ain't it? I'm serious, man.

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Not that I got anything
against gay people, man.

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Gay people losing
they mind now, ain't they?

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They are going crazy, man.

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They sticking all kind
of objects up their ass, can't get them out.

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I mean chipmunks, monkeys,
mice, gerbils, cattle.

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Anything they can
stick in their ass and can't get them out.

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A friend of mine
told me about this guy.

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He came in the
emergency room, right? He worked there, right?

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And he had a vibrator
caught in his ass,

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and it was
still running, right?

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So... So the doctors,
they were trying to get it out, right,

81
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but it kept shocking
them, right?

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They... They were
reaching in like this going, "Oh, Jesus.

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"Okay, let's try this again.

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"Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, sir.

85
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"We're going to have
to let that run down before we can get it."

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The fag turned around
and went like this,

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"Oh, my God. What a time
for me to use Energizers."

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'Cause they keep going
and going.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

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Two days later, still going.

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Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man.

91
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But y'all are
a good-looking bunch of people.

92
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You really are, man.
You look good, man.

93
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Nice looking ladies
all over the place.

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Thorough looking guys, man.
I'm serious, man. You look good, man.

95
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Treat them women good, man.
You got to, man.

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Got to treat them good
even though they drive us crazy, don't they, guys?

97
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I tell you, you're gonna
have trouble any time

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you don't make a woman
have an orgasm. Isn't that true?

99
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A woman will put up
with anything that you do

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as long as you
making them cum, man.

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That's right...
That's right.

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You can't get away
with a damn thing

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unless you make them
have an orgasm.

104
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And some women
are not orgasmic.

105
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Did you know that?
That's right, some women are not orgasmic.

106
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I see there's one
right up front, I got.

107
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She went, "Oh,
my God, that's me."

108
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And if a woman tell you
that she ain't ever had an orgasm,

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you know that's
a challenge for us guys.

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You know what
you gonna have to do.

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You gonna have to
go down on her.

112
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'Cause sometimes
to get the gravy...

113
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Hey, sometimes
to get the gravy, you got to sop the plate.

114
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Ain't nothing wrong
with that.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

115
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And they love it, man.
Don't let them fool you, they love it just as much...

116
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But I'm gonna tell you.
If you go down on a woman woman ain't never had an

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orgasm, you better have
some oxygen with you, jack.

118
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'Cause when she
get that orgasm,

119
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she get super-human strength
like the Hulk, man.

120
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You know, you be
down there, right? You know, you be down there,

121
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you be having
a good time, right. [SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

122
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,394
And then all of a sudden
you hear that noise, "Argh."

123
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"Hey...
Hey, what was that?"

124
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:18,664
"Argh." "Hey."
[GROWLS]

125
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"Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a fucking minute.

126
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,532
"I can't fucking breathe."

127
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:27,063
And you trying to turn
your head around like this.

128
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She got the back
of your head, boom, boom, boom, boom.

129
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:33,185
So you're gonna need
a shampoo afterwards,

130
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but it's well worth
the effort.

131
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Hey, y'all been great.
I'm the Fat Doctor.

132
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I'll see y'all next time.
Good night.

133
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[MUSIC PLAYING]

134
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Man,

135
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I'd like to
acknowledge someone else

136
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that's in the house that...
I love her.

137
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:02,793
You know, she's one of
the baddest women vocalists out there, Alyson Williams.

138
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:09,399
And she's tall,
oh... You like, oh.

139
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,265
Is that your man
sitting next to you?WILLIAMS: Yes.

140
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,356
MARTIN: Damn...
[MUMBLES]KID CAPRI: Hey, yo, Martin.

141
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,536
What?KID CAPRI: I see Big Daddy
Kane over there.

142
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,933
Where? Where is
Big Daddy Kane?

143
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,105
KID CAPRI: All the way
over there.

144
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:22,200
Where? Hey!

145
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It's Kane...
Smooth operator.

146
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,028
You a smooth boy, man.

147
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,862
Love you, man.
Yo, I'd like to acknowledge...

148
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Man, we just got everybody
in the house and I just want to acknowledge them.

149
00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,855
My man, Matty Rich.
Wassup?[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

150
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,867
And Rocky Carroll from Roc.
What's up, man?

151
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:48,142
Oh, and Olivia.
Hi. How you doing?

152
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:53,319
Yeah, oh that's you?
Rocky's with Olivia now?

153
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,268
Let me give you the gossip.

154
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:01,669
Well, you made the right
choice, 'cause God damn!

155
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:05,405
You... Hey, brother,
you don't mind me saying, she's... You are fine.

156
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:10,637
I mean, I could never
leave you, and he ain't going nowhere, too.

157
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,510
And I know it's good.
God damn, I know it's good.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

158
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,342
Is that what a TV series
do for you, man?

159
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,296
God... No, I'm joking.

160
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:27,915
Okay, no, look,
these next brothers,

161
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,698
y'all, they're from
Houston, Texas.

162
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,364
Now they live in New York,
so they one of yours.

163
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,358
Boom, they one of yours
'cause they black anyway.

164
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,010
Yo, give it up
for Arceneax and Mitchell.[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

165
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,591
All right...
All right. Wassup? Wassup?

166
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,592
We watch a lot
of TV, you know?

167
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,074
And I think you can tell
when you're addicted to television.

168
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,195
That's when you're
up at 2:30 in the morning.

169
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,897
Watching Spanish
soap operas.

170
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:01,556
You know you don't
speak Spanish.

171
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,911
But you sitting there
like you can understand this shit, right?

172
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,952
[MIMICS REMOTE CLICK]

173
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,906
[SPEAKS SPANISH]

174
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:13,256
[SPEAKS SPANISH]

175
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,530
Yeah, that's right, Maria.
You tell him... Tell him.

176
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,584
[SPEAKS SPANISH]

177
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,541
Tell him you ain't taking
that shit no more.

178
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:26,409
[SPEAKS SPANISH]Tell him to kiss your ass.

179
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,671
[SPEAKS SPANISH]

180
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,633
Yes! Yes!

181
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,115
So you up, you just flipping.

182
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,420
Oh, and by the way,
I'm not only the hair club president...

183
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,297
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

184
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:54,438
Hi. Does your car
sound like this?[MIMICS FLAT TIRE]

185
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:58,879
If it does,
then your tire is on flat.

186
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:04,449
However, if it sounds
like this...[MIMICS HORSE WHINNYING]

187
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:07,409
[MIMICKING VARIOUS ANIMALS]

188
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,380
Well then, you've
probably got an asshole doing your sound effects.

189
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,032
But it don't make
no never mind.

190
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,986
I want you to bring it on in
to me and let me fix it.

191
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:32,946
You know, people come up to
me all the time and they say,

192
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:37,306
"Bubba, do you think
you can fix my truck?"

193
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:42,438
And I just stare at them,
'cause my name ain't Bubba.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

194
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,924
It's Zack and I own
Zack's Car Repair

195
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,705
where my motto is,

196
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,319
"if I can't fix it,
you better take the son of a bitch back

197
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,839
"where you got it from,
'cause it's broke. Thank you."

198
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,454
[HIGH-PITCHED] Whoo,
and welcome back

199
00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:56,796
to the program,
ladies and gentlemen.

200
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,936
Now, for those of you
who are just joining us,

201
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:03,509
we were talking
about oral sex.

202
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,248
Yes, well, hoo-hoo![AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

203
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:13,250
And we know that this is
sexual gratification...[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

204
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:17,297
Received chiefly
from the mouth parts, yes, well, hoo-hoo.

205
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,345
But what we shall do now
is go to the phones

206
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:23,871
and answer any questions
you may have

207
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:28,487
pertaining to oral sex.

208
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,100
[ARCENEAX MIMICS TELEPHONE]

209
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,140
Hello, you're on the air.ARCENEAX: Hello, Dr. Ruth.

210
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,967
Yes.ARCENEAX: How the hell
are you doing,

211
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,885
you pretty
little ole' filly you.Oh, I'm sure...

212
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,581
ARCENEAX: Oh, I sure
do like you, woman.

213
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:41,198
I just wanted to let you
know that.

214
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,808
Thank you very much.Boy you got lips on you...

215
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,810
Well.ARCENEAX: I bet you can suck
a marble through a straw.

216
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,203
Woo!

217
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,466
Oh, let me ask
you a question, sir.ARCENEAX: What do you want?

218
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,210
What is your name?

219
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,121
Let me tell you, ma'am.
My name's Buck.Buck. I see.

220
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,467
I drive a truck...Woo!

221
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,906
And I love to...Oh, listen Buck.

222
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:04,444
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

223
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,049
Buck, we are on the air
so there are some things that we cannot say, you know.

224
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,832
ARCENEAX: Well I wasn't
really paying no attention to that.

225
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,658
But I tell you what...ARCENEAX: I like you, though.

226
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,185
I tell you what, Buck.
You sound like you're a man

227
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:19,150
who's very sexually active.
Yes, you do.

228
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,449
Well I'm gonna tell you
something about that.Uh-huh.

229
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,886
I'm so doggone
sexually active,

230
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,894
that sometimes
I screw myself.

231
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,846
Woo, masturbation!You ought to see
me do it.

232
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,766
Well I wouldn't want to
see you do that, Buck.

233
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,031
Got that Vaseline
in one hand...

234
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,863
Oh, no! Listen...
Listen...

235
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:39,862
Listen, I tell you what, Buck.
I don't care what you screw,

236
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:44,426
just as long as you use
contraceptives. Okay? Okay.

237
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:48,515
I sure do like the way
you roll your tongue, woman. You know that?

238
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,696
Well thank you,
Buck. It's...

239
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,662
You know what I'd like to
get you to do for me?Oh, what is that, Buck?

240
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,311
I'd love to get you
to roll your tongue crossing my balls.

241
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,576
[MUMBLES]Oh! Buck... Buck...
Buck... Buck... Buck...

242
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,139
Buck, please, please.There ain't no need...

243
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,967
Buck, I'm...I'll grab you by your ankles
and make a wish.

244
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:07,537
Whoo! Oh, listen...listen.You think I won't?

245
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,405
Listen, I tell you
what, Buck.

246
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:12,107
I tell you what, Buck.
We're out of time.Hey! Hey! Hey!

247
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,285
God damn,
I'll treat you like a postage stamp.

248
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,992
Listen Buck, listen.
I told you we were out of time.

249
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,640
I'll lick you...Hello?

250
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,384
...stick you...Hello?

251
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,465
...and send you
on your goddamn way.

252
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,084
Whoo! Thank you.
We're out of here.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

253
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,934
Yo, comin' to the stage,

254
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,890
give it up for my man,
Reynaldo Rey.

255
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,059
[MUSIC PLAYING]

256
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:58,853
Thank you.

257
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:06,341
I'm the token old person
on this goddamn show.

258
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:10,133
It was hard for me
to get here 'cause it's hell leaving a freak party.

259
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,000
You know what I'm saying?

260
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,221
And I just left
Rick James' house.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

261
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:23,713
And Rick go to smoking that
shit and turn cowboy on you.

262
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,225
Want to brand your ass.

263
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:32,927
All the freaks
were at Rick's party.

264
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,065
A bunch of freaks.
Reverend Swaggart was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

265
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:43,895
We got all kind of succulent,
tantalizing, vivacious,

266
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:48,083
scrumptious hunks
of feminine pulchritude,

267
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,211
and he brings
a two-dollar whore.

268
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,784
All these pretty women,
he can't wait to take up

269
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:57,042
the collection
to run out there and grab a whore.

270
00:15:57,086 --> 00:16:00,606
And brought her
to Rick James' freak party.

271
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,605
Pee-wee Herman was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

272
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:08,181
They introduced me
to Pee-wee, but I didn't shake his hand.

273
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:15,243
Mike Tyson was there.
You know he was at the freak party.

274
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:19,758
God damn, shit, Mike
just running around just feeling ass.

275
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,244
[GROWLS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

276
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,687
Let's be realistic.

277
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,611
It's rough to leave
a freak party. I'm a freak,

278
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:42,178
and, gentlemen, if you're not
a freak, keep your lady from around me.

279
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:47,178
I was with a married woman
the other night, married 22 years.

280
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,313
Her husband
never freaked her.

281
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,835
Never put his face
in the place.

282
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,150
God damn it, I did.

283
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,977
She went home and
stabbed that man 58 times.

284
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,292
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND LAUGHING]

285
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,384
Thank you very much!

286
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:19,043
Reynaldo Rey.
Give him a round of applause.

287
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,171
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

288
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:26,654
All right, fasten
your seat belts

289
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,957
'cause this is my man.

290
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,444
Man, this brother work out
in California all the time at the comedy clubs,

291
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:36,006
yo, trying to make
our way, and we're doing it. The boy is hilarious.

292
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,355
He's from Kansas. Give it up
for my man, Eddie Griffin.

293
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,420
Wassup in the house?

294
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:59,341
I ain't gonna talk
about Magic Johnson,

295
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:03,732
'cause I think Magic's a
hell of a man to come on TV and say what he had to say.

296
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,388
He got a lot of heart.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

297
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,645
You know what I'm saying?
And did it with a smile on his face.

298
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:15,048
"I feel good. I feel good.
Life goes on. I'm going to beat this."

299
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,834
Because if that had been me,
I'd a came on,

300
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,656
"Y'all looking
at a dead man.

301
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,450
"I got five,
six years, tops.

302
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:28,154
"I'm robbing banks,
I'm assassinating the president,

303
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,944
"I ain't got shit to lose."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

304
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:41,344
'Cause '91 was a trip.
'91 was the year everybody went crazy.

305
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:44,911
Police lost they
motherfucking minds.

306
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:47,819
I know y'all seen
the Rodney King beating. Came on every night,

307
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:50,905
turned into a TV series.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

308
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,085
"Let's watch the
Rodney King beating tonight,

309
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,142
"7:30, 8:30, 9:30.
We're whipping his ass just for you."

310
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:01,182
And they fucked
the brother up.

311
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,837
And now that it's getting
ready to go to trial,

312
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,320
the police can come on TV.
"We're not guilty."

313
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:09,021
Stevie Wonder can see
these motherfuckers are guilty.

314
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,410
But that's all right,
'cause the brother getting paid.

315
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,804
He getting a million dollars
for every blow...

316
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:16,978
Fifty-six million dollars.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

317
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:20,415
I'm looking
to get fucked up.

318
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:23,953
I'm doing 300 miles an hour
in a Volkswagen

319
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:27,298
yelling out the window,
"Fuck the police!

320
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,170
"Fuck all you bashin'
motherfuckers!

321
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,962
"Come over here, whoop my
ass, give me my cash."

322
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,298
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

323
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:43,664
If I know I'm getting
a million dollars for every blow,

324
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:46,494
I will grab their billy club
and fuck my own shit up.

325
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:51,929
Then you had
Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill.

326
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,633
Black-on-black crime
at the highest level.

327
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,852
And I think both of them
was telling the truth

328
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,462
'cause Clarence had pinched
so many asses,

329
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,462
he just forgot
about that one.

330
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,994
'Cause you know
Clarence pinched that ass.

331
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:08,208
He married to a white woman,
no ass at home.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

332
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,562
He showed up at the
job scene, that big, fat, black juicy ass.

333
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,566
Pow!

334
00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:23,868
"Welcome to the job, baby.
You ever seen Long Dong Silver?"

335
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:27,008
Yeah. And the real
hypocrites was the senators.

336
00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:30,101
Your biggest crooks
in the world up there trying to jail somebody,

337
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:32,141
especially
Ted Kennedy's ass.

338
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:38,717
Rapist, murderer,
drive-by shooting, you name it, he done it.

339
00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:40,369
And every time
they ask him a question,

340
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,423
"I yield to
Senator Kassebaum.

341
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,238
"Just don't bring up
none of my shit. She's right over there."

342
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,160
Shit. And I found out
that a lot of our nation's great forefathers

343
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,298
were heavy
cocaine users.

344
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,471
Like Alexander Graham Bell,

345
00:20:57,517 --> 00:21:01,297
that's how he got his
middle name, "gram."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

346
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,997
He like to buy it
by the gram.

347
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,655
'Cause you
got to be totally high and out your mind

348
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:10,620
to come up with
a concept like telephone sitting at home.

349
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,400
"I wish I could talk to
somebody ain't even here."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

350
00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:18,974
[SHOUTING]
"Hello? Hello?"

351
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:27,328
And you know
Ben Franklin was fucked up.

352
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,383
He went out in
a lightning storm with a kite.

353
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,809
Need I say more?

354
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:39,251
And Michael Jackson's got
his new album out.

355
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,738
The stuff Teddy did
on there is slamming. The rest of that...

356
00:21:41,778 --> 00:21:42,778
Uh...

357
00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:46,133
I think Michael's on crack.

358
00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:49,480
Myself.

359
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,825
Anybody that will fuck
they face up like that on purpose,

360
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:55,786
he doing something.

361
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:57,706
I bet ya Michael's at home,
Michael's like...

362
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,318
[SNIFFS]

363
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,796
Ooh![AUDIENCE CHEERING]

364
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,370
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

365
00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:13,113
[SNIFFS]

366
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,516
[AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING]

367
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,049
[SNIFFS]

368
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,615
Ho!

369
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:38,970
Good night, y'all.

370
00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:42,622
[AUDIENCE CHANTING]

371
00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:49,369
[MUSIC PLAYING]

372
00:22:55,896 --> 00:22:58,856
Eddie Griffin...
Eddie Griffin. Give it up one more time.

373
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:03,823
I would...
Well, Russell...

374
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,520
This is a special night
'cause Mia Duke's in the house. Y'all give her a hand.

375
00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:12,652
It's been flavorful.
Thank you.

376
00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:14,695
Yo.God bless you.
We'll see you.

377
00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,871
Before we go...No, no, no. Before we go,
we thanked a lot of

378
00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,567
celebrities that
came here tonight.

379
00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,184
Most of all,
we want to thank you,

380
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,844
because you made it
possible. Thank you. Peace.

381
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,710
[AUDIENCE CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING]

382
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:30,310
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